Kissing the Sunlight
by Litheran
Summary: Spike can't accept Buffy breaking off their tryst; and she's forced to show him that his unlife is worth living.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I own nothing besides any original characters, Joss and Mutant Enemy are the lucky ones.**

**Summary: Spike can't live with Buffy breaking off their tryst; and she's forced to show him that his unlife is worth living. **

**Pairings: Spuffyish**

**Warning: This story will likely be broken up into several parts. This first part will definitely not be Spuffy in the romantic sense of the word.  
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**Chapter One: Goodbye Summers**

**Outside Spike's Crypt**

_'Okay Buffy, one foot in front of the other.'_

She knew this would be hard; not just because their _relationship_ wasn't exactly something that you could end gracefully. This would be hard because deep down in the pit of her stomach she knew it wouldn't end here, not for him. No matter how resolute she was that it was over he'd fight to keep her; part of her actually felt warmth at that thought. That's why she'd been drawn to him in the first place. Knowing his devotion to her would allow her to be herself around him. She knew that Spike would except whatever crumbs she was willing to give him for as long as she was willing. But it wasn't fair to either of them to keep going this way.

She had realized somewhere along the way that although Spike was a demon; he loved more deeply than probably any man she'd ever known. But no matter how soft he could be when they were alone, he was still a demon without a soul. Regardless of the fact that when he was inside her she felt like the only woman in the world; he was still a demon without a soul. And even though there were times she could see the man he'd been before he was turned; he was still a demon without a soul.

And the reason she had to end it now was because that excuse was starting to be less and less of a mantra and more proof that he was special. She had to end it now before what she had started to feel for him became love.

"Here we go."

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**Spike's Crypt - Lower Level**

_'Gotta say mate, 'm surprised at you, letting yourself get so whipped. Did you actually expect this to pan out. Stick with your strengths William; fight, shag, steal, and shag.'_

But he had to do something, didn't he? Not like he could just sit back while Buffy toiled her life way in that sodding grease trap. Girl as bright as her should be going to college, so one day slaying was what she did after a workday to relieve stress. Him and her stalking through cemetaries killing beasties; confiding in him about which people at work she'd secretly like to slay.

_'Right, even if your great plan had worked, how would you have given her the cash? No way she'd except anything but cold comfort from the likes of you.'_

He'd have found a way, even if it meant enlisting the help of Red or somehting. Have her set him up with a false identity; then claim to be the council giving her a paycheck. Anything to save her from that soul crushing gig. Spike took a look at the damage Captain Cardboard had done during his oh-so brief visit. Kicking at a loose piece of rubble he was surprised to find Buffy standing not so far off from him.

"So she's back. Thought you'd be off snogging with soldier-boy."

"He's gone."

"So, you come for a bit of cold comfort? The bed's a bit blown up, but then, that was never our..."

"I'm not here to..."

He knows then that something's different as he looks at her; but he wills his face to stay straight. Unwilling to show any emotion less she think him a ponce.

"And I'm not here to bust your chops about your stupid scheme, either. That's just you. I should have remembered."

"So this is worse then, is it, this is you telling me..."

"It's over."

"I've memorized this tune, luv. Think I have the sheet music. Doesn't change what you want."

"I know that. I do want you. Being with you ... makes things ... simpler. For a little while."

"I don't call five hours straight a little while."

"I'm using you. I can't love you. I'm just ... being weak, and selfish..."

_'Looks like the end of the ride Willy, do remember to leave the way you came.'_

"Really not complaining here."

" ...and it's killing me. I have to be strong about this. I'm sorry ... William."

She lingers longer than she had planned, she wants him to understand that she's doing what's best for both of them. They can never have more than this because of what he is, not who he is. As she turns and makes her way towards the ladder she wills the voice in her head to be quiet. Because what it's saying goes against everything she's wanted since she first met Angel.

_'If Spike had been the one to be cursed than...'_

She tries to convince herself it's not true, but if he had been the stranger she met; than losing his soul wouldn't have ended like it did with Angel. He would have still loved her and fought to be a good man.

_'What troubles you more is knowing that Spike wouldn't have been so hard to make happy. Having your heart would have meant more to him than your body.'_

She reaches the ladder and puts her foot on the first rung ready to climb up when she hears it. Unlike vampires her hearing isn't all that effected by being the slayer. She almost keeps climbing, just because she's not sure she can face him again. But the almost inaudible cry is too much for her heart to bare. She wont allow herself to love him, she can't allow him into her heart.

_'You owe him this much, after everything he's done for you, tell him the truth. Let him know that you care too much to hurt him anymore.'_

She steps off the ladder and slowly makes her way back into the make shift bedroom. He's moved farther back towards the tunnels and is sitting with his back to the wall, he can't see her from where she's at and it's probably for the best. Because she has to hold her hand over her mouth to keep from calling out to him. He's opened one of his conveniently placed bottles and is taking healthy gulps from it as the tears trickle down. He's trying not to make noise but every few seconds he mutters something unintelligible or hiccups.

She almost decides to leave then; because he's not in any state to be comforted. He's not the kind to relinquish pain so easily and he doesn't owe her conscience any rest. She takes one last look at him and starts to turn away when she notices him fishing through the junk on the ground for something. As his hand comes up her frown turns into shock when she sees the scrap of wood. Not pointy enough to be a stake even she would have to strain to get it through the breast plate of a vamp. Her throat closes as she starts towards him, unable to yell or plead she's forced to watch as he extends his arm out and with his eyes closed whispers one last word.

"Buffy."

As his arm starts towards his heart she uses all of her power to spring through the air, praying she reaches him in time.

_'Please Spike, don't.'_

**A/N: Let me know what you think; this story is gonna be my trial of Buffy for how she treated Spike in S6.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I own nothing besides any original characters, Joss and Mutant Enemy are the lucky ones.**

**Summary: Spike can't live with Buffy breaking off their tryst; and she's forced to show him that his unlife is worth living.**

**Pairings: Spuffyish**

**Warning: This story will likely be broken up into several parts. This first part will definitely not be Spuffy in the romantic sense of the word.  
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**Chapter Two: Misery in action**

As the slightly blunt tip of the wood hit Spike's chest Buffy felt something akin to vertigo. For a split second she couldn't tell which way was up or down; and she was certain that when she landed it would be into a cloud of dust. Had Spike selected an actual stake that would have been the outcome, but the wood barely managed to tear into the flesh before meeting the barrier of Spike's breast plate. The force with which he slammed the wood into himself cracking the bone.

Luckily this bought Buffy the extra second she needed to make it to Spike. Tucking her body she landed on her back and rolled to her feet; reaching her hand out she grasped the improvised stake between Spike's grip and his chest. The blood from the wound coating her fingers and for some reason causing tears to spring to her eyes. As Spike dug the wood deeper, trying to reach his heart he felt the resistance and opened his eyes. Their eyes clashed as she slowly pulled the wood out of the wound. Spike clenched his jaw and placed his other hand on the end, using all his strength to worm it back in.

Buffy's grip started to slip, his blood causing her hand to slide downward. For a long second they stared at each other as the sound of the wood pushing deeper into his chest seemed to vibrate off the walls. Spike finally shut his eyes against the pain and turned his head to the side. Through gritted teeth he chuckled hoarsely and then turned back around bowing his head somewhat as tears fell from his face, landing on Buffy's hand. He whispered softly to her as the tip of the wood came within centimeters of his heart.

"Dat's right slayer, tell yourself you tried."

No one had ever pissed Buffy off more than Spike her whole life; so many times he had seen that scathing look of hers when he made her life difficult. As he said this though the steel in her eyes melted and for just a second her lip trembled. In a flash it was gone as she reached out with her other hand and wrapped it around Spike's wrist. Pulling as hard as she could she managed to stall the stake's progress, grunting with the exertion she spoke sadly.

"It's not ending like this."

Spike turned his head and spat, leaning his head back against the rock he brought out his game face, giving him that extra bit of power to continue pushing the wood into his chest cavity.

"Give it up luv...you can't even...keep the men you love...w'at makes you think you can hold onto one...you hate."

Before Spike realized what was happening Buffy's hand was gone from the stake and her fingers were weaved inside his hair. Violently she wrenched his head forwards and then backwards; slamming his head into the wall so hard his human visage shone through. Immediately she wrenched his grip off the stake and pulled it out; a stream of blood running down his belly. Bitterly he snickered as he faded in and out of consciousness, dragging his eyes towards Buffy.

"You have to leave sometime pet, so just fucking sod off already, got a date with the sun."

Buffy raised the hand not covered in blood and dealt a stunning jab to his face, giving him that last push towards oblivion. As his eyes rolled back and his head drooped he mumbled.

"Bloody bint..always the nose."

With that he passed out; lurching to the side he tumbled over onto the ground. Buffy rose shakily and made her way towards the tunnels, searching for the discarded sink Spike had installed especially for her use. Wiping a tear from her cheek she turned the faucet on, ice cold water pouring out and slapping the bottom. She placed her hand under the steady stream and watched as the water turned pink and circled the drain.

_'He's right you know, it's not like you can just camp out here until he gets over it...if he ever does.'_

Sighing in frustration she spoke to the empty cavern.

"No, he's not taking the easy way out."

_'What exactly was easy about what just happened princess? You just "broke up" with a man who is a self-proclaimed member of the eternally in love with Buffy club. You knew there was a chance this might happen.'_

She had known Spike would do something, although she half expected him to attack her. But taking his own life because she was leaving him..okay, not leaving because that's something you do when your dating...because she was going away from him; that seemed to go against everything she knew about Spike.

_'What makes you think you know anything about him? Up until last year you didn't even know vampires could love.'_

"Just because Spike can love, doesn't mean vampires can love."

_'You wanna run that by me one more time sister, without the huh?'_

"Spike is...he's.."

_'...special?'_

"Yes."

_'But not special enough to warrant a chance, a real chance?'_

"He doesn't have a..."

_'...great singing voice? Get over yourself already, just because Angel can't love you without a soul isn't reaso...'_

"SHUT UP!"

She doesn't realize she's shouted until she hears a rustle of movement; turning around she sees Spike shifting. Hurriedly she uses a towel to wipe her hands, tossing it to the side when she's done. For the next few minutes she goes about the lair, grabbing what she needs. Next she makes her way over to his prone form, grabbing him under the arms she manages to carry him over to the bed.

Lying him down gently she looks at the wound left in his chest, jagged and dark it makes her retch. Turning around she gathers the chains Spike had previously used to restrain her as he offered to kill Drusilla. Securing them to the wall and bed she locks the manacles on his ankles and wrists.

She then spends a short time pacing in front of the bed, occasionally peeking at him to see if he's waking up. Finally she stops and crosses her arms, regarding him with a withering glare, ineffective but calming to her nerves.

_'You know what you have to do.'_

It might be difficult and might not even work, But she'll be damned if he'll die because of her. As long as it takes to convince him that dying isn't the answer, he'll stay restrained.

_'Why do you even give a damn what happens to him? It's not like you love him...do you?'_

Buffy uncrosses her arms and turns away from him; wiping an errant tear from her face she makes her way towards the ladder.

"I can't love him."

_'Who can you love?'  
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_**A/N: I'm working on fleshing out the story, so hopefully future chapters will be longer. As always reviews are more than welcome, I certainly wouldn't wanna play piano to an empty auditorium.  
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